Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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