i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
