It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
