i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
