My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
