life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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