Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
