Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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