Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.

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(816): View more from Missouri

if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

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(702): View more from Nevada

the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

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(972): View more from Texas

It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.

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(614): View more from Ohio

woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.

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(989): View more from Michigan

there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere

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(714): View more from California

So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?

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