i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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