i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
