I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
