I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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