dude i'm inner monologue high
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish you could order shots online.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
