i don't like sucking hair
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So squirting runs in the family.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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