His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
