The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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