He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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