I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
