Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
