I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
