I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
