My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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