I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
