So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
