I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
