operation harelip BJ is a go
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
