Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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