We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
