How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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