i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
