; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
