ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
