My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
