Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
