I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
