Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
