last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
