I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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