I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
