I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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