I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
