3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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