I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
