And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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