Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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