That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize