i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
