I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Houston, we have a squirter
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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