They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
