so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there is glitter all over my balls
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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