if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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