You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
