I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
