i just had sex bonerless
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
