You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
