This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
