You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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