omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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