he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
