So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This house was built for laser tag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
