May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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