and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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