we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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