i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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