Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Pants are for mortals
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
