Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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