R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
