Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
