I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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