it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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