im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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