Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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