the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
