Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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