do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
