So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
