dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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