seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
