I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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