Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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